It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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