wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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