i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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