thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
