Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My vagina is very pro this idea
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
