drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
