So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
