Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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