I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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