guys are not supposed to queef...right?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
