just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
