She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
