So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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