I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
