when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
