Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
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How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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