i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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