Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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