My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
