Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
