Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
