I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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