Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
