Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
