you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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