I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
