I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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