I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
