i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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