Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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