I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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