does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
