Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
