similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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