i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize