2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
