Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
