i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
