Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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