there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
