the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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