Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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