I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
