Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He did a backflip because drugs
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
