His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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