I must be too annoying 4 u.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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