remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
