John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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