remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
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MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
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He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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