and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
