And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
