I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
