Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
