You're my little dorito
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Randomize
