I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
