No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize