I hate your face
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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