You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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