Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
