I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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