I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
